So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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