Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
