Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
