She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
