I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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