Screwed.edu
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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