Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
