I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
