I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
