tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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