I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize