I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
