I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
