I wish you could order shots online.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
