Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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