"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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