Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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