You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
