Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
