mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
