There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
