Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
