just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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