You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
