my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
