He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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