While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
