THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
