Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
