false alarm. still invincible.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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