I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
