You're completely useless in the revolution.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
