dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I look better un-naked...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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