quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
