Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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