Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
