I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
