okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
