Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
