is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
