I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize