this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
