How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
