stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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