Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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