The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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