I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
