just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
