I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
