i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
