A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
