I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
