a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
