Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i barfeds in our rink
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
