Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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