I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
