I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize