Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize