She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
