areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
