the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
