We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
