I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
