be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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