Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
