Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
