I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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