at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize